Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
