Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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