i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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