Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
