This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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