just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
