So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
