I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
