just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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