Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
