So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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