i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
