Buhtt sex?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
