In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
