i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
A+ Viking dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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