the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
