Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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