I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
