you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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