I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
