No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
