:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
