I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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