Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
