is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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