Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
