I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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