I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
