i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
