ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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