Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
