so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
