Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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