I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
