i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
