How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
