There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
