So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
