I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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