dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
