Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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