My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
