Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
