i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
