he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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