I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
