I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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