I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
