My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My liver just had a heart attack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
