After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
