everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
